The New May Day Celebration

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Washington (PFNN) April 18, 2010 - Rumors of a new move to embrace better relations with the rest of the world have been heard. It seems that with the guidance of the new "Labor Relations CZAR" Andy Stern, the White House is preparing to sign an Executive Order to rename May 1st or May Day to Labor Day. Since the rest of the world celebrates the first of May as Labor Day it will help to improve communications and relations with the rests of the world.

To celebrate this change the order also mandates that mandatory festive parades be organized in all major cities that will replace the current outdated and unfriendly to international traditions, May Poll dances and other celebration of spring events. To keep with the international flavor local unions will provide marchers holding pro-labor banners with picture of some of the heroes of the Revolution, the unions, and the President. These will include: Chairman Mao, Che Guevara, Vladimir Lenin, Karl Marx, Leon Trotsky, and Joseph Stalin too name a few. To help out in this spirit of international labor, these parades will consist mainly of military equipment such as fully armed tanks, soldiers, and in some cities jet fighters and bombers. Due to scheduled cut backs in military spending, the Administration is contacting foreign countries to see if they can provide troops for this glorious celebration of Labor Day. It is uncertain if these troops will be used to "encourage" 100% attendance.

Early reports say that China has volunteered 6 million troops, Venezuela will send 50,000, and a report from Mexico that: "They have already sent enough troops across the border and most are already in position." (Whatever that means.) Other countries are expected to join in as they better understand to final goals of our leader.

It has also be heard that to avoid confusion, the old Labor day will be renamed to "Kill a Capitalist Day."
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Latest News on SEIU

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Washington (PFNN) April 13, 2010 - With the announcement of the retirement of the head of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) a new rumor has started. The timing of this announcement the latest speculation surrounding Mr. Andy Stern's future career move may be closely tied to his close relationship with the President. Putting this fact together with other recent revelations the only thing that can be considered is that Mr. Stern may be our next Justice on the Supreme Court. It only makes sense, when you consider that it would not look good to have him running such a large union while ruling on cases. Besides the first name on his list, William Ayers, was said to be uninterested.

We at PNN would like to be the first to welcome our new union overload.

The White House was not available for comment.

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Employment Opportunities Coming Soon

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Washington (PFNN) April 1, 2010 - In a unusual twist there is new employment opportunities being made available nationwide. With a unemployment rate estimated to be from 10 to 18%, a new trend has emerged. It seems that foreign companies are beginning to look to the US as a source of cheap labor. In a time when there are jobs that Americans won't do, these companies are finding applicants who will fill these undesirable jobs. By hiring American at the prevailing rate of such countries as Mexico, India, Indonesia, or Vietnam millions can be saved and American who were unwilling to the work at the prevailing local wages can now do them at the lower rate. This save American company's money, fills positions that foreign labor is unwilling to do, and will help to reduce the unemployment rate.

The White House was not available for comment.
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New Scientific Study: Danger of Soft Drinks Not From Sweeteners!

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Washington DC (PFNN) 4/1/2010 -- Scientist released findings today that show that corn sweeteners and sugar should no longer be the major concern of people who consume popular soft drinks. After years of study it has been determined that the most dangerous component in soft drinks nationally is carbon dioxide or CO2. CO2 has been found in the vast majority of soft drinks world wide. With international trade this dangerous gas is shipped to countries that have a very small carbon foot print. A large volume of carbon dioxide being traded may far surpass what is currently traded on the carbon exchange market.

Administration officials with the EPA said that with their new regulatory powers to manage Carbon emissions they are considering what actions that they may take to control this so far unregulated threat. The White House would not return our calls.

The good news may be the idea that we can now use the soft drink industry as an instrument for Cap and Trade. Most soft drinks only release their CO2 when the cap is removed and even then it is consumed. New monitoring tools are now being developed to estimate the damage done to the environment by their consumption.

Coke and Pepsi declined to be interviewed for this story.
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New Terrorist Threat

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Washington DC (PFNN) -- After over a week of reported threats, acts of vandalism, harassing email, and nasty phone calls, new facts have come to light. One call made to a major Democrat leader has been heard that calls them a pile of crap. In another case one representative was actually called a "heaping pile of Sh*t." Some of the threats have been the most worrisome, in the fact that they were considered life altering threats. Many of the callers threatened to vote for another candidate in the upcoming election. More have threatened to work for opposing candidates. This type of rhetoric has many on capital hill worried and looking for other options to protect themselves from the wrath of the American people. No word on what those options may be at this time.

In even a more troubling development there is a related story: There are now reports that a major international terrorist organization is taking credit for the latest attacks on the members of Congress. In a newly released and PNN exclusive statement the organization not only claims that they are behind the threats but say they will soon escalate the attacks. The statement says that next, they will be calling the members of Congress; poopie heads. Will this terror never end? More developments as they occur.
©2010 Pedro's Fake News Network (PNN) - We put the P back into the fake network news.


©2010 Pedro Sykes - Some Rights Reserved


Except where otherwise noted, content on this site is licensed
under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License